Thailand 15: April 11, 2007

Went jogging today and had my first lizard encounter in several months. For those wondering, the lizard seemed well. No sign of its mate.

We're now in the midst of the hot season in Thailand. Every day, the temperature reaches the high nineties with extreme humidity. It feels like the sun is a burning orb hovering just over your back, following you wherever you go. Playing sports during the day can be trying, even for a gifted athelete such as myself. When playing softball, it feels like my cleats are melting and I soak through my shirt just heading out onto the field. Perhaps this explains my plummeting batting average and I no longer recommend that people log on to the Bangkok Softball website as it reports in graphic detail my fall from the leaderboard.

Our friend Darren was in town last month and went for a massage. Not wanting to miss the opportunity to spend some quality time with a friend, I broke my promise not to inflict myself on Thai masseuses and went along. This time, I opted for the "stress relieving" Thai massage, which was advertised as a simple method of easing tension in the head, neck and shoulders. Now, contrary to some expectations (you know who you are), a real Thai massage is not at all sexual and instead is a vigorous bout of pulling, stretching, pounding, and pushing. Hmm, that doesn't sound too convincing, but in reality, I found that a Thai massage involved having a small older woman walk on my back, twist my legs into pretzels, and squeeze my neck until I thought my eyeballs would pop out of my head. It felt ok afterwards, but it is not for the timid.

Despite the heat, Liz and I continue to explore life in Bangkok. The Thai new year, or Songkran, is coming up. Celebrations began last weekend and will continue for nine days, though the real fun begins this weekend. The Thais celebrate by pouring/spraying/dumping water on each other to remind themselves that the dry season is ending and the rainy season is about to begin. The celebration has gotten more raucous over the years, with groups of young Thai men (often fueled by liquor) chasing people around and dousing them. Its usually in good fun, but tourists get drenched and women wearing white shirts are favorite targets (I wonder why?) Anyway, last weekend Liz and I and our friend Eugenia went down to the area around the Grand Palace to watch the innaugural Songkran parade. Despite the oppressive heat, Thailand staged a massive parade featuring floats/dancers, musicians from each province featuring some unique aspect of that area. Some floats portrayed scenes from the Ramayana, some represented famous characters from Thai history and some featured roast pork. It was 95 degrees in the sun in a rather humid and polluted city. I would not have wanted to be the beauty queen riding on that float. The parade also included about 20 VW bugs in various designs and a procession of tuk tuks of the world -- about 50 tuk tuks, each flying flags from two countries and carrying passengers clad in national dress. The US was joined with India in a tuk tuk filled with two sari-clad women. They either represented India or most of the Silicon Valley engineers.

One of the best things about this time of year is that it is mango season. Mangos ripen in April and stay in season for about six weeks. A ripe Thai mango is God's gift to fruit. The Embassy cafeteria serves a mango and sticky rice dessert and I have vowed to eat it every day until the season ends. We make smoothies, drink mango juice, and eat mango cheesecake. Doesn't do much for weight loss, but anything with fresh fruit as a prominent ingredient can't be bad for you, can it?

At Liz's behest, we also continue to visit various nightspots. Last week, we went to Ministry of Sound. Its a branch of the British club that attracts a mix of upscale farang and Thai high-society types. We fit right in. Actually, we met several people we know which, in Washington, would never have happened. We stayed for about an hour, dancing up a storm, but there is only so much I can take of ear numbing techno rave music and 160 baht beers ($3.75, which for Thailand is quite expensive). The Banyan Tree recently opened up a bar/restaurant on its roof, some 62 stories above the street. Its billed as the world's highes al fresco dining experience. Its called Vertigo and with some justification. While there is a double railing rimming the bar area, it wouldn't take much of a jump to become an American Citizen Services death case. It took a drink or two before I would peer over the edge. We've also visited a couple of bars in our neighborhood. I've found that Thai bars love to present extensive drink menus that include a variety of mixed drinks we've never heard of (Jeepy in Love, F5, Dog's Nose) and which they have no idea how to make. Ask for a martini and you usually will get straight vermouth. Beer is often the safest option.

I was one of a group of officers that accompanied our new Ambassador to a lunch briefing with the editors from the Bangkok Post, the largest English language newspaper in Thailand. Everything went fine until one editor asked the Ambassador about the competitiveness of Thai companies and the Ambassador turned to me and said, "I'll let the economic experts handle that one." My quick and assertive response: "um . . . uh . . . Thai companies . . . do you mean domestic or global competitiveness?" After that stunning beginning, I think I answered the question, but could not relax until we got out of that room. Fortunately, I was not quoted in the paper the next day.

USTR Zoellick visited Thailand last week and I helped out. It is incredible what goes into a high level visit like that. I met Zoellick briefly when I served as notetaker during his bilateral meeting with the Philippine Trade Secretary and I was impressed. However, the things that FSOs are expected to do (fetch throat lozenges, for example) are not what the State Department highlights when trying to attract new officers.

Speaking of new foreign service officers, our friend Kay obtained a tape of the first episode of the now-late and unlamented "The American Embassy", a show that is to the Foreign Service what "Doogie Howser, MD" was to the medical profession. The State Department cooperated with the producers in the hopes of helping the show portray an embassy with some accuracy. I won't go into the many factual blunders (an Embassy laundry? an on-post hostel for American citizens who refuse to leave Embassy grounds?), but I was struck by the scene in which the main character, Emma Brody, counsels a 12 year old runaway by explaining her motivation for entering the State Department -- "I joined the foreign service until I could find out what to do with my life". Yep, the Foreign Service, a temporary refuge for the confused and depressed. Of course, some of the things that seemed most ridiculous in the show actually weren't that far off from the truth. Last week, our friend Rod, who is in the consular section, was walking down the street when an 11 year old boy asked him for directions to the Embassy. Rod asked why and the boy said he was running away from home. Rod and his wife, Elise (also in the consular section) then had to figure out what to do with the boy (go bowling) while they tried to track down his father. In Bangkok, truth is as strange as fiction.