Thailand 10: December 17, 2001

Liz and I have had a very busy month. Lots of visitors as Bangkok's cool season (i.e. occasionally below 90 degrees) sets in.

We hosted a Thanksgiving potluck for some friends from the Embassy. It felt rather odd enjoying turkey on the porch with palm trees in the background and screaming kids jumping in and out of the pool across the way. One thing we really noticed as we prepared for the holiday was how easy it was to find everything we needed. Turkeys: no problem. Sage: no problem. Pine nuts: No problem. Surprisingly, the only thing I had real difficultly locating was yellow squash. In the US, it's almost like a weed. In Thailand, it's an exotic delicacy. To get into the Fall mood, I put a tape of an old Michigan-Penn State football game on the TV (comments about the Ohio State game are not appreciated and will not receive a response), until the kids ripped it out for more suitable animated fare.

Soon after Thanksgiving, Bangkok businesses began to put up holiday lighting. The King's birthday was on December 5, so many hotels, apartments and office buildings were festooned with bright lights (mainly yellow, the King's color) and large portraits of His Majesty. The Dusit Thani, one of the nicer hotels, had a huge "Long Live the King" sign glowing on its roof. In addition, many stores strung up Christmas decorations and, as in the States, piped in Christmas carols to torment the holiday shoppers. It's quite disorienting to walk panting into a store to get out of the heat only to be assaulted by "Winter Wonderland" on the speakers, Christmas trees, fake snow and Thai shopgirls dressed in elf hats.

The King's birthday is a big deal. It's a national holiday with live coverage on all the Thai networks of the accompanying military parade. Now, by military parade, I don't want to conjure up images of Soviet-era marches past Red Square highlighting the latest SS-19 intercontinental ballistic missile. In Thailand, it has more of a Gilbert and Sullivan feel, complete with colorful helmets and military brass bands led by high-stepping marshalls. The King's speech is an important event. Though he normally stays above day to day political matters, he is highly revered and the press focuses closely on what he has to say. This year, he gave a surprisingly (to me, at least) negative speech about the state of the Thai economy and the actions of the current administration. The Prime Minister, who is not known for receiving criticism in good grace, had to sit on the podium in front of the nation while the one person in the country who can freely criticize him did so with relish.

The other night, Liz's office had its holiday party. Liz primarly works with Thais and the event was at a local Thai restaurant. Everyone had a good time, loosened up, no doubt, by a few helpings of the Johnnie Walker on every table. Like many US office parties, this one had a gift swap, though perhaps the gifts exchanged were of a more practical bent. I received what appears to be a year's supply of chicken broth, Liz obtained a lamp, someone else got a fan. Everyone seemed happy and we're set for light and consomme for the foreseeable future.

As part of my job, I periodically have to serve as Duty Officer. For a one week period, every six months or so, calls to the Embassy outside of business hours get referred to me. Fortunately, during my recent tenure, I received very few calls and most of those were on a Saturday morning, though I did get one at midnight. I have friends who have been repeatedly woken up at 2 or 3 in the morning by drunken Americans in various scrapes or who have had to come in to spend the night in the Embassy. Calls range from the mundane (an American in LA calling to find out if there was anything the US Embassy in Bangkok could do to help his wife board a plane in LA with an expired passport. Quick answer: no) to the more substantive (reports of an American who committed suicide in Pattaya). Mostly, its the sort of thing I will have to do all the time next year when I move into consular. It makes me appreciate the subtle beauty of privatization analysis and the simple elegance of a Thai Airways financial statement.

Thai newspapers form a constant source of amusement. Both the English language and Thai language papers focus on the sensational. They also contain a steady flow of quotes (accurate or not) from Thai officials that often defy logic. I'll try to include one or two per e-mail. Last month, one of Thailand's most influential travel journalists had this to say about Western backpackers and the new found desire of Thais to attract more such visitors to boost sagging tourist numbers, "I don't think they're as dirty and smelly as they used to be. So people are getting used to them."
My parents were in town for few weeks and kept us on our toes. I was amazed that two people in their six ... er late 40s could keep up such a pace. We had a great visit. They shopped, toured, shopped, ate, and shopped their way through Bangkok. However, I think my Dad was most amazed that we got Monday Night football live at 9 am on Tuesday. I think it was the first time he's made it through the fourth quarter since the 70s. We took them to the Patpong night market one evening to check out the sights. Of course, along with being a center for bargain-hunting foreigners, its also a locus of girlie bars and sex shops. ("No Mom, I don't know what that large, blinking "Super Pussy" sign means."). While my parents were in Bangkok, we stayed at the Oriental for two nights. It truly is an amazing hotel. When you enter your room, the "Senior Floor Butler" leaves you his card in case you need anything during your stay. The room is set up with a great Bose CD system, complete with separate speakers for the bedroom and bathroom. (Only downside: one of the three CDs they left for us was "Yanni's Greatest Hits"). For my birthday, my parents took us to Le Normandie, the Oriental's French restaurant, where we dined overlooking the river while fireworks exploded for the King's birthday. The great thing about Le Normandie is that it is fine French dining combined with Thai service. Yes, you have to wear a coat and tie, but no one sneers at you when you inevitably use the wrong fork or say, drop some food in your hand and then quickly pop it into your mouth. Not that anyone in our party would have done such a thing, right Mom?

After again boating up the Chao Phraya river to visit the old capital of Ayutthaya, we took Mom and Dad to Phuket. We had a great time snorkeling in the Phi Phi Islands (stop chortling, Mom and Dad N, it does not refer to a bodily function) and relaxing on the beaches. Although one can't totally relax on any beach also attended by European tourists. By that, of course, I am referring to the habit of European matrons of a certain age to sunbathe topless (to dispel accusations of sexism, I am no more fond of the male European fashion of wearing a rubber band around the waist, though fortunately there were no viewing of the rarely sighted, but universally abhorred "male thong"). I know the human body is a beautiful thing, but when most of us conjure up a beautiful human body it is somewhat less jiggly and saggy. Even more galling is the cultural insensitivity it displays. The underlying traditional Buddhist culture does not embrace nude sunbathing and many hotels place large signs in public areas explaining this modesty (most Thai women hit the beach in shorts and t-shirt) and that management would appreciate guests keeping their suits on. Nevertheless, Europeans feel entitled to dress as they wish wherever they wish. At least we Americans show admirable cultural sensitivity, or, more likely, we're less comfortable displaying our paunches and wrinkled cleavage to the world at large. (Note: A Thai Senator is planning on setting up a nudist resort on a Burmese island for Europeans who just can't stand to be constrained by clothing. I can only imagine what the Burmese peasants will make of that.)

Phuket is a beautiful island, with some great restaurants and wonderful hotels. But, it also has its number of lower-end seedy establishments, each of which seems to be called X or Y Resort. Now, I suppose if you book a room at a hotel for 15 bucks a night you are not expecting the Four Seasons, but I imagine that some people coming in on package tours get a bit of a surprise when they show up to find their "resort" is a mile from the beach and behind a fish processing plant. Just like American sandwich shops have robbed the word "gourmet" of any meaning and American airlines have devalued the term "luxury," do not trust Thai "resorts" on name only.

Our visit to Phuket also enabled me to continue my public humiliation on the golf links. Not satisfied with earlier embarassing myself in front of my boss and assorted Embassy contacts, I decided to victimize my father. The poor man claims he enjoyed the afternoon, but after watching me lose ball after ball after ball, I'm lucky he was my Dad because anyone else would have stalked off the course. My poor caddy, who had been working at the course for 8 years, almost passed out from heat exhaustion on the 16th hole. (Note: Some of you readers have played golf with me before and are no doubt saying, "He's really not adding anything new here, we've always known he sucked." Well, you've seen nothing yet. Every time I think my game has hit bottom, it starts digging.) Liz and Mom spent that morning at the spa enjoying massages and pedicures. They finished smiling and relaxed. I finished sweaty and defeated. I'm now looking into tennis.